


best kept secret

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 01:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Bryony wants to introduce Dan to her friend Phil... the same guy Dan may already be dating.





	best kept secret

**Author's Note:**

> Written for art by starryeyedhomicide, [view the art here!](https://starryeyedhomicide.tumblr.com/post/183250425654/hey-yall-reposting-my-art-for-the)

They meet, as good introverted millennials often do, on a dating app. 

(Dating might perhaps be a loose term, but it's an app and one potential end result can be loosely termed as a date, and for the sake of propriety in future storytelling that's the story they're sticking to.) 

Dan sends the first message. He's bored cat sitting for a friend in her new flat while she spends the afternoon playing a game of Whose Is This Really, Fuck You I'm Taking It with her ex. Dan's not in this area of London all that often and the app is geography based so he finds himself with a whole plethora of new options to scroll through, new faces to muse over and new bios to mostly make disgusted faces at. 

"Don't judge me," he says to the cat. "I have standards." 

His standards include needing people he talks to to offer at least one pic that isn't just genitals... and that's how he ends up with Phil, the diamond in the rough who not only has his pants on in every single photo but makes Dan laugh with a stupid joke and is, apparently, only half a mile away. 

*

By the time Bryony shows up with an Uber full of boxes and the ugliest vase Dan's ever seen clutched in her arms, Dan's been chatting with Phil for almost four hours. 

"That is the ugliest vase I've ever seen," Dan tells her. The cat sniffs it and then stalks away. "Pussy Galore agrees." 

"It's hideous," Bryony says. "But his mum loves it, so I had to take it." 

"Fair enough." Dan looks down at his phone. He has another new message. Something tingles in his stomach. He's just told Phil that he'd be up for a late night Mario Kart match if Phil's free. 

Mario Kart is definitely a euphemism. He hopes Phil knows that, considering Phil's response is _I call Toad!_

*

Phil does, it turns out, know it. 

But they play Mario Kart afterwards and Dan for once finds himself with no regrets about this particular life choice.

*

The thing is, Phil is just - really fucking awesome. 

Dan knows he's truly fucked when he finds himself laying in bed on a Tuesday morning daydream-remembering their conversation from the night before. He even picks up his phone to read the messages back. They progressed from the app to iMessages basically as soon as Dan left Phil's flat the morning after their hookup, and the conversation has been nonstop since. 

It’s putting stupid thoughts in Dan’s head, the kind of thoughts Dan’s rarely had about guys… much less after having only spent one night apart. 

They haven’t even been on a date. Dates haven’t really been Dan’s thing for a while. It’s exhausting to meet people and know they have all these expectations for him, all these ideas in their head that he’s not going to live up to. 

It’s easier to just not try than it is to keep putting the energy into relationships that will end in disappointment, either his or theirs. 

He’s gotten used to just getting fulfillment for different parts of his life in different ways. When he’s lonely, he rings Bryony or plays a video game for the facade of socialization; when he wants sex, he uses Grindr and finds someone nearby and available for exactly what he wants and nothing more. 

It’s a good system. It’s _worked_. 

So why does his finger keep hovering over the button to delete it? Why is he falling ass first into daydreams about Phil and that husky two am laugh and the way his hands touched Dan’s body and the sweetness of the coffee he made for Dan before Dan left the next morning? The kiss by the door and the way Phl made it hot and fun and how the time spent with him felt like… so much more than all the other one night stands. 

He wants to see Phil again. 

His heart hammers in his chest. He feels out of his mind. Should he ring someone now? Should be get Bryony to talk him out of an impulsive decision? Or would she just laugh and tell him to stop being a pussy in that blunt, sometimes amazing and sometimes awful way she has of wielding honesty?

Maybe he should stop being… that. He picks up the phone and with a sense of desperation mixed with impulsive bravery, asks Phil out. 

Phil says yes. 

*

A relationship builds like lego blocks clicking into place. 

They see each other that weekend and a Friday night date turns into Sunday morning breakfast in borrowed clothes. 

It's almost frightening how easy it is - until the moment he has to leave, when something a lot like dread settles in his stomach. 

"Is it stupid if I say I don't want you to go?" Phil suddenly asks, like he can read Dan's mind. 

Dan grins. He looks at Phil, remembers how snazzy and put together Phil was on Friday for their date - hair styled, button up shirt all crisp and smart. He looks at Phil and sees him now, hair flopping over onto his forehead mussed from the making out they've been doing, stubble on his cheeks. He's got eyes so clear and blue, fine lines around them that match the ones around his mouth, and Dan's heart does a funny wobble. His whole body just seems determined to turn him upside down right now. 

Maybe because as nice as Phil looks, that’s not what it’s all about. It’s the fact that he and Phil haven’t run out of things to say to each other for days. He can’t remember the last time he’s met someone he could talk to all night long. He can’t remember if that’s even happened before, but even if there was… it wasn’t like Phil. Just being around Phil makes the world seem brighter. 

And that’s really why Dan doesn’t want to go. 

"If that's stupid," Dan says, "then I guess I am too." 

They kiss in the doorway for another fifteen minutes before Dan finally manages to leave. 

* 

He stands in front of the tube entrance. It's half an hour to where he lives if he takes the train, but he'll make it home hours before he usually goes to sleep. 

Home is normally his favorite place. He's not one to be shy about that. He'd rather stay in than go out almost any night. 

That he just voluntarily spent almost forty eight hours in the company of someone else is practically unheard of. But on the heels of so much shared space, for once his own flat seems like it might feel lonely. 

So he turns and walks three buildings down, slipping in the door as someone else is leaving. He's not so shameless as to show back up at Phil's right after leaving, but he's got another friend in the area, after all. 

* 

"Look what the cat dragged in," Bryony says. 

She's wearing Sailor Moon pyjamas and a green face mask that makes her look like an alien. 

"Who, that one?" Dan points at the cat. "The only thing that cat's ever dragged is his own ass to the food bowl. He has the kill instinct of a slug." 

"Don't listen to him. Every Pussy is unique and perfect just the way it is." 

Dan grimaces. "Do you really have to." 

"Every time you insult my cat, yes. Just accept that some of us are meant to have the world cater to us and not the other way around," Bryony says, then flips him off. "What are you doing around here?" 

Dan shrugs. "Met a friend." 

He neglects to say when. 

What she doesn't know won't hurt her. 

But what she does know, might hurt him. Or might cause him to hurt her. 

"Hmm." She lifts an eyebrow. "I sense a plot hole. You don't have friends, Howell." 

"I have naked friends," he says, because that one she'll believe. 

She sticks her tongue out in a grossed out expression. "Did you really come see me freshly fucked? Also, it's barely dark out. You're such a slut." 

He wants to argue her, but isn't that the story he's trying to tell? So he bites it back and flops down onto her couch. "Feed me." 

She throws a sofa cushion at him and walks toward the bathroom. "You're the one imposing." She keeps shouting out, even as he can't see her anymore. "You feed me. I want Thai!" 

Dan picks up his phone to order food, but gets distracted immediately. 

He already has a text from Phil. 

*

"Pleaaase," Dan whines, cutely pouting. 

"I have to work!" Phil tries to protest. 

"You can still work," Dan says. "Just... work remotely." 

"If I work from home and you come over, I won't get anything done," Phil says. 

"I won't tempt you. Promise." 

"You won't have to," Phil says. "You being there will be temptation enough." 

Dan grins. He doesn't mind hearing that at all. 

"So where can we go that you can work from, that isn't your flat?" Dan has the day off and he's fucking determined he's going to see Phil at least once. Even if it's just an hour. "I'm desperate. I'm an addict that needs a fix." 

"You're ridiculous, is what you are," Phil says. His voice is a low murmur, because he's still in the office. 

At least he's got an office of his own. He told Dan until six months ago he was still in a one room building with two script writers and a load of camera equipment. Now he's got some sort of swish editing bay where he puts together the short films a mate of his from Brighton shoots. 

Dan's heard the whole story. He's heard a lot of Phil's stories over the last two weeks, and Phil's heard a lot of his. They have this trouble where when Dan's sleeping over they don't seem to want to sleep at all. They fuck, they eat, and they just - talk. All night long, until the sun comes up, like they've got a time limit of catching up on all the years they haven't known each other. 

"There's a coffee shop I go to sometimes," Phil says. "We could meet there. I can reply to some emails and look over my latest revision file... I don't need to be at the editing bay for that, I guess." 

Dan sits up. He's only in his underwear, because clothes and days off generally don't mix, but he reaches for the nearest clean shirt. "Text me the address." 

*

Phil looks good. He always does to Dan, but this is the first time Dan's seen him looking like he just stepped out of work and... 

"That's really doing it for me," he mutters just loud enough for Phil and no one else to hear, as he reaches out and tugs at the collar of Phil's button up shirt. 

He'd really like to kiss Phil hello. But for all that they live in London and the times have a-changed, it's still midday in a cafe with people milling all around them whose dirty looks could sour the mood in a way Dan won't risk. 

So he just stares at Phil's mouth and hopes Phil gets the idea. 

Phil does, he thinks. 

"Let's sit at the window by the table," Phil says. 

"Window by the table?" Dan grins. 

It takes Phil a few seconds to get it. "Table by the window!" He groans. "I always do that." 

"It's cute. What's your coffee order?" 

"I can get it," Phil says, reaching for his wallet. 

"Sure you could," Dan says. "But you won't, because I am. I'm the one who forced you out of your office." 

"As if that's such a hardship." 

"Still." Dan pushes Phil gently toward the table. "Coffee order?" 

"Caramel macchiato," Phil says. "Extra caramel drizzle." 

"Extra sugar with your sugar?" Dan leans in again to speak so low no one else can hear. "Knew you tasted so good for a reason." 

*

"Welcome to Cafe D'Amour." The girl behind the counter gives him a cheerful customer service smile. "What can I get for you today?" 

"Chai with a shot of espresso for me, and a caramel macchiato with extra caramel drizzle for my... friend." 

Her smile turns into something a bit more real. "You must be here with Phil." 

"Yeah, I am," Dan says, glancing over his shoulder. Phil is setting up his laptop already. "You know him?" 

"He's a regular," she says. "And a sweetheart. He's not usually in here with other people, though. Especially not when he's trying to work. You must be someone special." 

She doesn't say it with any particular inflection or tone of suggestion, but Dan still likes it all the same. "I badgered him into it." 

He waits for the card reader to authorize his purchase, then leaves her a very nice tip. 

*

Talking Phil into coffee shop work breaks becomes another staple of their routine, along with meeting at the cinema to watch movies after they discover a mutual love of cinematic experiences and extra butter salt only popcorn, Mario Kart tournaments, and weekends where Dan doesn't bother to leave between Friday and Sunday nights. 

He's never fallen into something that felt like Something quite so easily or so thoroughly. It takes Bryony less than a month to catch on. 

"You're abandoning me," she bemoans. "For some floozy!" 

"There's no floozy," Dan says. 

What he means to say is - Phil's no floozy. But he's always had an issue with not wanting to commit to directness. 

"You fucking liar," she says. 

He also has an issue with not wanting to prove people right when they're trying to harp on his less than positive qualities. "Fuck off, I'm not lying." 

"Then prove it." 

Fuck. "What? How do I prove I haven't met someone?" 

Especially when he actually very much wants to tell her that he has. 

"Come out with me Saturday," Bryony says. "I have a friend I want you to meet." 

Fuckity fuck. 

*

He has the strangest knot in the pit of his stomach when he texts Phil to break their not-established-but-very-much-assumed Saturday plans. 

Dan: got guilt tripped by my best mate for blowing her off to spend every weekend with my new special friend

P: special friend? 

D: you are special 

P: friend? ;)

D: shut up

Okay, so they haven't really defined it yet. He's not actually nervous about anything. It's weird how with Phil he just kinda... knows. He knows Phil's only taking the piss. 

P: I like being your special friend. But that's alright, actually. A friend of mine invited me to lunch on Saturday too and I hadn't responded yet. 

Dan feels instantly better. 

D: But I'll see you after, right? 

P: You will see me after. Will I see you before? 

Dan grins. 

D: Wasn't sure if you wanted to take Friday off too, just have some... alone time? 

Phil's text back is almost instantaneous. 

P: Dan time > alone time.  
P: Come over around seven?

*

Dan wakes up at Phil's place on Saturday, pushing his limits on exactly how long he can coerce Phil to stay in bed with a breakfast and a blowjob. 

"That's not fair," Phil says. He looks fucking gorgeous, sat up in bed with his messy hair and his glasses on and no shirt. 

Dan's never wanted to permanently attach someone's arms to himself so much. But Phil eventually pushes him out the door with a laugh and a kiss and a promise for later. 

As soon as he's gone, he texts Bryony to ask her when and where they're meeting up. She texts him back an address that looks vaguely familiar, but he doesn't get why until he's on the street nearing the location. 

He laughs as the painted window sign comes into view. 

Cafe D'Amour. 

*

He sees her approaching from the opposite direction just as he reaches the door, her oversized sunglasses the same shade of pastel pink as her hair. She looks up from her phone and smiles when she sees him waiting. 

That Bryony goes to the same cafe as Phil now doesn't really surprise him. 

It's only three blocks down from Bryony and one over from Phil. It's a convenient location and Dan knows now from experience the coffee is good and the pistachio muffin is basically his new heaven on earth. 

What does surprise him is as soon as they step inside, he sees that Phil is sitting there - alone. He's typing something on his phone, and it makes Dan's heart do a funny thing when the moment Phil puts his phone down Dan feels his own vibrate in his pocket. 

Why does it make him so happy that when Phil's sitting alone what he's doing is wanting to talk to Dan? 

He's wondering if this might be the golden moment to introduce Bryony to Phil and come clean that Phil's not just a special friend but maybe the most fucking spectacular, special person Dan has ever met. 

But then Bryony's stepping away, going straight for... Phil, who stands and gives her a hug. 

He sees Phil over Bryony's shoulder, face going momentarily blank with surprise before it lights up. "Oh, you've got-" 

"My friend with me, yeah," Bryony says, turning around. She grabs Dan's arm. "Come on, now I know you aren't a shy one. Phil, this is Dan. Dan, this is my new friend Phil, the one I told you about." 

Dan has no idea what it is that propels him to shove his hand forward and say, "Phil, nice to meet you," as though Phil's dick hadn't been in his mouth two hours ago. 

It's certainly not shame. He gives Phil's hand an extra squeeze and then winks at him while Bryony's situating her bag on the back of the chair. 

Phil looks confused, but he goes along with it. "Nice to meet you, too... Dan, was it?" 

* 

They settle into a table by the window, not the two-seater that Dan and Phil normally inhabit but one further to the back with four chairs. 

"We should get coffee," Dan says, then looks over at Bryony. "Your treat, right?" 

She gives him a mildly offended look that's probably somewhat genuine. "Alright, you tart, but you better put out later." 

Dan gives her an innocent smile, and as soon as she's up to the counter looks right at Phil. "Fancy meeting you here." 

"I could say the same for you." Phil grins. "Why the secrecy? Did I miss something here?"

"I just like fucking with her," Dan admits. "You know she was trying to set us up, right?" 

"I thought maybe so. I was planning on telling her I wasn't interested, though." Phil starts to look a bit nervous. "Dan, is this... do you really not want her to know we've been seeing each other? Is there a reason?" 

"Fuck no," Dan says vehemently. He reaches out and grabs Phil's hand, not actually caring all that much if Bryony does see right now. "Phil, I'm serious, it's just about fucking with her. I'm... I'm kind of gone for you, it's not about shame or anything, if that's what you're thinking." 

Phil smiles a little bit. "Gone for me?" 

"Shut up. I didn't say that." Dan ducks his head and grins. "Fuck you, stop smiling at me like that." 

"You're just cute," Phil says, pulling his hand away. "Okay, we can eff with her a bit." 

It's Dan's turn to grin. "Eff with her? Phil, come on, I know you know the word fuck." 

Phil's face turns pink. "I'm not going to say it in public though! There could be kids!" 

There are, actually, some kids in the cafe. But they're across the room drooling on some biscotti, while Dan and Phil are essentially whispering. 

"Kids with supersonic hearing?" Dan teases him. 

"You're awful," Phil says. "Good thing you're so cute. So what are we doing here, what's the game?" 

"Game?" Bryony's voice cuts in. 

Phil looks immediately flustered, but Dan smoothly takes over. "Yeah, I asked him what kind of games he likes to play." 

"Don't let Dan suck you into Guild Wars 2," Bryony says. "It's horrid."

"You loved it!" Dan protests. "You were addicted!" 

"Were," Bryony repeats. "I'm in recovery now, and I'm making it my mission to stop other innocent souls from being sucked into the depths." 

"I'd probably be bad at it anyway," Phil says. "If it's one of those sorts of games where the beginner quests make you kill animals, I always end up feeling too guilty about it." 

Dan has to pinch himself to stop from saying 'aw' out loud. 

*

Pretending not to know Phil proves harder than he’d expected. 

He’s not sure he’d even realized how quickly familiarity had blossomed between them. It’s not like they can finish each other’s sentences every time, but he does have to bite his tongue when he remembers he’s not meant to know what Phil does or a living or what Phil’s favorite movies are or what tv show Phil is halfway through watching right now. 

When Phil tells a story about his brother, all Dan can think is how he’d been on Phil’s couch the last time Phil and Martyn had talked on the phone. When Phil shows Bryony his favorite new meme, Dan remembers them laughing until they cried over it at midnight the night before. 

Phil has the same problem. Dan can see Phil catch himself once or twice, but Bryony doesn’t seem to be catching on. When they do slip up and both acknowledge having watched the same film in the cinema the day it opened all she does is laugh and say, “See? I knew you two would get along.” 

*

Their coffee meeting lasts almost two hours. When Bryony suggests they all go back to her place, Phil politely makes an excuse about needing to go home and take care of laundry. 

Probably a good thing, Dan reasons. They did leave his sheets a bit of a mess. 

There's no real way for him to excuse himself alongside Phil so he goes back to Bryony's with her, spending an hour lazing on her sofa chatting with her and letting the cat sleep on his stomach. 

"So what did you think?" She finally asks, after hedging around the issue for a while. "He's cute, right?"

"Why?" Dan asks, feigning ignorance completely. "Do you fancy him?" 

"No, you arsewipe. I want to know if you fancy him." 

"Oh, I mean... he's okay. But you know I'm not looking for something new and long term." 

It's not a lie. He's really not. Because he thinks he's already found it, even if that is a terrifying thought to let linger in his mind for too long. 

He's not afraid of commitment. He just hasn't had a lot of practice at it. 

"I'm having some people over next weekend," she says. "If you might want to see him again. Just don't... you know. Pull a Dan." 

That prickles a bit. "What does that mean?" he asks. 

"You know. Fuck him and then get scared and never return his call again. You did that to my cousin last year when I took you to his brother's wedding, remember?"

"Right." Bryony's cousin let Dan blow him then refused to return the favor and made comments under his breath about the waiter needing to go back to his own country when he brought out the wrong type of wine - but Dan had opted not to tell her that just to avoid the awkwardness. He almost says it now, but suddenly he's just tired. 

Of being here. Of being judged. 

He sits up. "You know, I gotta go." 

She looks up at him, surprised. "Dan, I didn't-" 

"Don't worry about it." He doesn't know why this feels so bad. She's not even wrong. He's spent the past decade thinking his life just isn't together enough to figure someone else into the equation. He's never led anyone on. It's just not a position he's been taking applications for. 

That's why realizing that Phil makes him want commitment has him so unsteady. Phil's just - different. In a way Dan couldn't predict, didn't count on. 

He doesn't give her an answer about the get together. He doesn't even want to think about it. He just walks toward Phil's flat with purpose. 

*

He doesn't see Phil for the first half of the week. Phil says he has some work to do that he needs to focus on, and Dan believes him. 

Phil's never given Dan a reason not to believe him. And anyway, Phil still texts him at least twice an hour and when they talk on the phone the exhaustion in Phil's voice sounds genuine. 

It makes it even nicer that Phil even calls at all. They talk until almost eleven pm one night, until Phil's voice is drowsy and his words don't even make sense. 

On Thursday, Phil says he's finally caught up enough for Dan to come around if he wants. 

'If you want.' Dan almost snorts when he reads the text. 

Phil's been given permission to take a late morning since the film edits got finished within the deadline. Dan knows it's really best spent catching up on sleep, so he does stay over but when morning comes he creeps out of Phil's bed and carefully dresses. 

He grabs Phil's hoodie off the hanger by the door and slips it over his head. He deliberates for a moment over whether to pocket Phil's key or just risk the awkwardness of needing to knock if the door accidentally locks behind him, but decides the key thing might be one step too far. 

Outside the air is fresh and crisp, and it's a pleasant walk to Cafe D'Amour. The girl behind the counter is the same one who’s been in there most mornings he meets Phil, and she greets him with familiarity now. "Where's Phil?" She asks. 

"Asleep." Dan says it casually, pretending he doesn't feel that weird surge of adrenaline he gets any time he brushes up against the concept of coming out to someone. Doesn't matter if it's a friend or a stranger, it just makes him a bit nervy. 

He's not sure that ever actually gets better. Maybe it will if he's got one specific person he keeps wanting to humblebrag about dating to everyone he meets. 

Except Bryony, apparently. But he puts that thought out of his head. He also hasn't talked to her in days. 

He gets coffee and far too many pastries since he can't decide and he's still paranoid about picking something Phil won't like, but he makes it back to Phil's flat without disturbing him at all. It takes a little bit of poking around but he finds plates and spreads out his breakfast haul with butter and marmalade for the scones. 

He only has another hour before he needs to leave for work himself, but he creeps into the bedroom. Phil's sprawling across the middle of the bed now, body still in the spot he slept but face buried in Dan's pillow. 

Dan's pillow? The pillow Dan uses. Not being presumptive about his place in Phil's bed - and his life - is already hard for Dan. 

Phil starts to stir as soon as Dan approaches the bed. His head pops up, last night's fringe terribly mussed and standing straight up, and his eyes go wide. "Do you have coffee?" 

"I do have coffee." Dan is very smug about this. "And food." 

Phil sits up, the sheet falling and settling around his waist. Dan eyes his pale chest, dusted so lightly with dark hair, just as greedily as Phil is eyeing the breakfast. 

Maybe if he forces Phil to eat quickly they can both satisfy their hunger before Dan has to leave. 

*

He manages to evade Bryony's calls and texts for the better part of the week, splitting his time between work and Phil and one afternoon he dedicates to lunch with his mum. 

Mostly Phil, though. They’ve left the phase of the relationship where dates have to be scheduled things. Now there’s just an _are you coming over?_ or, if Dan’s particularly impatient, an _am I coming over_ text like clockwork every afternoon. 

Phil doesn't ask him about her get together until the night before it's supposed to happen. There’s an open pizza box on the table in front of them, Dan’s phone on the table just to the side of it. 

"Are you not going to talk to her?" Phil asks when he sees Bryony’s name flash on Dan's screen.

Dan taps the button to send it to voicemail. "I'm mad at her." 

"Why?" Phil asks. 

Dan thinks about not telling him, but for some reason being around Phil always feels judgement free. Unless they're discussing music choices, then Phil is definitely judging him, but listening politely while he does it. "She said something that made me angry. About my history with guys." 

"What?" Phil frowns. "How so?"

"She was just being... judgemental," Dan says. "And it made me feel bad." 

Phil reaches out and rubs Dan's leg. Dan leans in closer. He's not trying to look pathetic on purpose, but he'll take the sympathy. "Did you fight?"

"Not really," Dan admits. "I just got mad and left and haven't talked to her since." 

"Well, if you aren't going, I won't either," Phil says. "There's a new burrito place I thought we might check out soon. We can go there instead." 

Dan kisses Phil on the cheek. "You're fucking awesome, did you know?"

"I did." Phil smiles pleasantly. "What's that for, though?" 

"Nothing. Just wanted to tell you." Dan really should get used to that heart bubbling over feeling soon. "We can go, though. I want to keep fucking with her. If you don't mind." 

"You want to let her keep trying to set us up?" 

"Yeah," Dan says. 

"But how is that even fucking with her?" Phil asks. "Won't she just be happy when she realizes what she's trying to do has already happened?"

"Of course," Dan says. "She'll be happy for us. But she'll also have wasted her time." 

"You're so silly." Phil laughs. 

"Is that a no...?"

"No," Phil says. "It's not a no. We can mess with her a bit more." 

"You're actually the best," Dan says, and makes himself comfy again with his head on Phil's shoulder. 

*

Dan gets to Bryony's twenty minutes late. 

He wants to make sure that she can't corner him alone. He also wants to make sure Phil is there first, and he's neither surprised nor upset when the first thing Bryony does is drag him to where Phil's chatting with a cute little redhead. 

He wonders if Phil likes gingers. He wonders, and then decides not to wonder anymore, because he's not going to let his mildly possessive streak rear its ugly head this quickly. 

Because, Phil's face lights up when he sees Dan. Dan doesn't have anything to worry about. 

*

It's only half a dozen people besides himself and Phil, not a proper party but still more of a gathering than Dan would normally have agreed to. He recognizes a couple of them but the others are all people Bryony knows from work. 

He doesn't really care to get to know them, either. He makes polite small talk until Bryony says she's going to put on a movie. Bryony's got a better job than Dan - which means her new flat has actual adult furniture, an oversized sectional and a loveseat to match. 

Dan is debating whether the floor might be the best option for him, just to avoid being sandwiched between strangers, when Bryony bumps him with her hip and gives him a push toward the loveseat... that Phil's just claimed half of. 

This is almost too easy. He can see Phil trying not to grin when Dan drops down beside him. Bryony's not very subtly beaming in their direction. 

He really would be annoyed with her being so pushy and obvious, if not for the fact that she's apparently stumbled onto the perfect guy for Dan... just slightly after Dan already had. 

* 

Bryony doesn't do movie nights by halves. She pops massive bowls of popcorn and hands out drinks and popcorn and turns the lights down low. It’s a horror movie and she’s all about the mood setting. 

She also passes out a few quilts, tossing one at Dan. "So you can cover your eyes when you get too scared." 

"Aw!" Phil says. "Do you not like scary movies, Dan?" 

"They're fine," Dan says, defensively. He pretends he doesn’t see Bryony grinning at them. "Love 'em, actually." 

And he does. 

They just really do scare the shit out of him. 

Phil leans in close. "Don't worry, it's cute. You can hold my hand under the blanket if you get too scared."

Phil's breath is warm on his skin and Dan begins to question the wisdom of this whole facade, since he can't touch Phil for the next two hours. 

* 

The movie is intense, full of ominous music and jump scares that make his heart race. 

He needs a distraction. 

Phil happens to be a great one. 

Dan grabs the quilt and drapes it over his own lap and half of Phil's as well. "Cold?" He asks, mostly just in case anyone is looking. He doesn't think they are, but... it's also a bit fun to play this little game of pretend. "You looked like you were shivering." 

"No, I'm-" Phil stops when Dan nudges him with a leg. "Oh, yes, a bit." 

Phil tugs the quilt over his own lap. Dan immediately reaches for his thigh, biting his lip so he doesn't grin too much. 

He leaves it just on the thigh for a while. The touch is nice, reassuring and grounding when the movie starts to be too much, but he's still a bit twitchy. His fingers move restlessly, up and down the heavy material of Phil's jeans, rubbing and poking and pinching until Phil finally leans over with a whisper. "You have to stop." 

Dan frowns and looks at Phil, concerned. "Why?"

Phil's eyes dart around. The loveseat is angled off to the side, and everyone is staring at the tv. No one is paying attention to them. 

Phil's hand covers Dan's under the quilt and guides it over just a bit. 

"Oh." Dan's stomach starts to squirm. He leans over and whispers, "Do I have to, though?" 

Phil's eyes go shockingly wide as Dan's palm presses and cups the shape of him. 

Then he ever so slightly shakes his head, an answer to Dan's question.

*

Dan's heart is pounding in his chest. 

He's got his hand on Phil and he has no idea what he's doing, he just knows he doesn't want to stop. 

Phil doesn't want him to stop either. Phil's breath is shallow and he's definitely not paying attention to the movie anymore. Not when Dan nudges his zip down, not when Dan works his thumb against the metal disc of the button. Definitely not when Dan slips his hand inside. 

Phil is hot and hard and Dan spends half an hour doing little more than holding and squeezing. In the flickering lights of the movie Dan can see the sweat on Phil's temples. 

He's sweating some himself, and impossibly turned on at what he's doing to Phil. He's trying to watch, to make sure that no one spots anything. But the quilt over them is heavy and the movie is reaching its climax. 

Which means Phil probably needs to be reaching one, too. 

Dan doesn't want to risk moving his hand too much, so he just starts to squeeze rhythmically. He sees Phil's fingers curl tightly into the arm of the loveseat and then Phil gives him a quick, desperate look. 

No one hears his gasp over a crash onscreen. No one sees the look of brief, almost torturous pleasure on his face before he schools it into something more neutral. Certainly no one feels the pulse of flesh Dan's gripping or the warmth spilling over his fingers. 

Phil reaches to the side, to the bowl of popcorn they'd shared. There's some sheets of kitchen roll wadded up in it that they'd used to wipe their buttery fingers on, and Phil uses them to quickly clean up before shoving them into his own pocket. 

Dan immediately pulls his hands out from under the quilt. He's still positive no one suspected anything, but it feels safer anyway. 

He's still turned on, but he can wait. He knows he won't be going back to his own flat when the movie is over.

*

"You're actually insane," Phil says as soon as he lets Dan into his flat, then crowds him against the wall and kisses him thoroughly. 

Dan had left Bryony’s before Phil, killing time wandering around a 24/7 Tesco while he waited on the message from Phil saying he was home. 

"I can't believe you still have that in your pocket." Dan pokes the lump of kitchen roll, cackling. 

Phil doesn't even laugh. He's too busy kissing Dan's neck, and then suddenly Dan is too distracted to care about anything else. 

*

Phil's already sitting at their table in the coffee shop when Dan walks in. It's afternoon and he's had a long morning working, but meeting Phil has been good motivation for getting what needed to be done finished. 

"Your face is the best thing I've seen today," he informs Phil, bending down to give him a solid kiss on the mouth before he sits across from him. 

Phil just gives him a dopey and slightly surprised grin. "What was that for?"

"I just missed you." Dan sighs and slumps forward, resting his head on his crossed arms. "I need coffee. Or a nap. Or both." 

Phil reaches out and pets his hair fondly. "Coffee naps probably aren't a thing. But if you want to try, I support you." 

"Mm. You're the best." Dan mumbles, then lifts his head up. "I woke up at seven. How is that even an hour?" 

Phil laughs. "I wake up that hour almost every day.” 

"You're not human. You're a robot. Do you even- oh." Dan stops when the barista approaches holding two cups of coffee. She slides one in front of Dan, and the other over to Phil. 

"On the house," she says. 

"Oh, wow," Phil says. "What for?" 

She shrugs. "It's a slow day and I wanted to practice my latte foam art. Besides, you two are cute." 

Dan peers into his cup. There's a slightly messy, swirling heart. "Not bad," he says. 

"Ooh, caramel." Phil's already taken a sip, foam clinging to his lip. 

Dan reaches out and rubs it off with his thumb. 

"Ugh," she says. "See what I mean? You're just stupidly cute." 

"Or just stupid," Dan says. 

"We can be both," Phil defends. "I think we've got it in us to be both." 

She laughs. "Alright, we'll go with both. Enjoy the coffee, lads." 

"Thank you," Dan says, smiling after her before he turns to Phil - who has already replenished his foam mustache. He looks ridiculous, and Dan's heart constricts with that feeling that it's way too soon to give a name to. "We should leave her a good tip." 

*

Bryony's been his best friend for years, since she and her ex essentially adopted him off the streets as their little fledgling gay child who was taller than both of them and drank too much of their alcohol. 

Then that ex left and Dan stayed. He stayed so long that she'd finally just told him to let the lease on his own flat go and he'd paid her whatever he could scrape together every month for a room with a shitty mattress directly on the floor that he still came to consider his first positive experience living in London. 

The second big relationship of her life swept in like a cyclone, lifting her up and away from their tiny shared flat to a slightly less tiny one. Dan still showed up at her flat for meals more often than not but he had a foothold in London by then. He had a job and some money coming in. He had people he met, and maybe he only liked half of them, but they invited him places and he stopped feeling so fucking pathetic and alone. 

Most of them aren't even in his life anymore. But Bryony's been the constant, drifting sometimes in and sometimes out but never too far away for too long. They're the right kind of people to know each other their entire lives, and Dan feels comfortably settled in the idea that she's his best friend and that means something. 

But lately it just feels like it means she thinks she knows a version of him that he's ready to stop being, and he has no idea how to make her see the growth in him or how to stop feeling like shit when she can't on her own. 

He does mean to tell her about Phil. 

As far as jokes go, it's run its course - if it even had one to begin with. He'd kept it from her at the party out of spite, but afterwards just trails into nothingness. 

She does try to set him up again. He declines and she doesn't ask why. 

He feels strangely let down by it, but he's too stubborn for his own good. He's holding a grudge for a crime she doesn't know she's committed and maybe it shouldn't be a surprise when it blows up right in his face. 

*

"Aw, Howell, were you gonna surprise me with coffee?" A sugary voice coos behind him. 

Dan immediately tenses. He's standing at the coffee counter of Cafe D'amour waiting on his order. Realizing he can't just pretend not to hear her, he turns halfway around. "Bry. What are you doing here?" 

"I live here." She can see something in his face, but he's not sure what it is. Her eyes are narrowing in confusion. "And you don't." 

"No, I..." He flounders. "I was going to surprise you, yeah." 

"Uh huh." She's not believing it for a moment. 

Two things happen in the next moment that spins the situation far out of Dan's control: 

Phil comes back from the toilets, still wiping damp hands on his jeans - at the same moment the barista slides two plastic lid capped disposable coffee cups toward them with a friendly smile. "Here you go, boys." 

She turns around to help a customer at the counter, oblivious to the awkwardness she's leaving in her wake. 

"Bryony!" Phil says. 

"Boys?" Bryony's eyes drop to the cups, then widen slightly at the names scrawled on them. She looks back up at them and... her face lights up. "Oh my god, are you two on a date?"

They're not, technically. They're just grabbing coffee before going back to Phil's place. Dan's there more often than he's not now. 

Phil looks at him, clearly waiting to take his cues from Dan. 

"I can't believe it!" Bryony crows. "Is this your first date? How did you even get each other's numbers, was it last weekend?" 

Dan realizes in an instant that he could let her think she got them together and Phil probably wouldn't argue it, because he's nice and a bit of a pushover like that. 

But Dan would be asking him to lie to Bryony for the rest of their friendship. He himself would be committing to lying to her, and there's nothing really funny about that anymore. So he swallows down his pride and says, "We've actually been dating for a month and a half." 

Confusion replaces the happiness again. "What?

"Dan." Phil puts his hand on Dan's arm, like he's trying to calm or comfort. 

Dan looks helplessly at him, then back to Bryony. "We met when I was cat sitting for you, while you were moving." 

The confusion is bleeding into something more wounded, more angry. "So you just... let me introduce you and keep pushing you together? Why? Just to laugh at me?"

"No!" Dan says, because his brain is doing that thing where he says words that explode out of his brain before he can think about them. "Because you pissed me off."

"Dan." This time Phil's voice is a soft admonishment that Dan's getting a bit loud. 

Bryony shakes her head. "I can't.... fuck you, Dan," she spits out, then walks out of the coffee shop. 

*

"Fucked that one up, didn't I?" Dan says. 

"You've just both got some things to work out," Phil says. They're standing outside the coffee shop, Phil's holding both drinks. "You're going to follow her, right?"

Left to his own devices, Dan would probably go home and avoid the situation. But that's another reason he's glad to have Phil around. Sometimes all he really needs is the suggestion of the right thing to do and it's enough to sway him. 

"Yeah," he says, after thinking about it for a few more seconds. "I am." 

Phil puts the drinks down on one of the outside tables, then draws Dan in for a long, tight hug. "You go talk to Bryony and work things out, and me and this coffee will be waiting for you at home."

Dan turns his head enough to press a kiss to Phil's jaw, feeling faint stubble against his lips. Those words that it's too soon to say are resting on his tongue again, but he keeps them at bay for now and goes with, "Thank you," instead. 

*

It's less than a five minute walk but somehow it still starts to rain on the way to Bryony's flat. He feels exactly like the drowned rat that he probably looks like when he knocks on her door. 

He doesn't even know if she came home. He's wishing he'd just tried to ring first when she answers the door. 

"Oh, it's you," she says, opening the door to let him in before adding. "Prick." 

"You haven't even asked why I was mad at you," he says, protesting the attitude. 

"I don't care," she shoots back, then almost immediately relents. "Fine, why?" 

This is the moment where he knows if he says things wrong he'll just make things worse, so he makes himself take a breath and think about it. "Because you kept acting like all I was capable of was hooking up with a guy and then ditching him. You acted like you thought I wasn't good enough for Phil, when we'd already been dating for two weeks." 

"If I thought you weren't good enough for Phil, why would I have tried to set you up with him?" She asks. "You don't make sense, Howell." 

"Well, did you give him the 'don't break Dan's heart' warning?" he asks. 

She doesn't say anything. 

"Well?” he prompts. 

"No," she admits. "Because Phil just wouldn't do that." 

"But you think I would." 

"Because you _have_ ," she says, waving her hands around emphatically.

"You don't even really know Phil but you gave him the benefit of the doubt!" Dan accuses her. "You met him like two months ago. You've known me for five years." 

"I just..." She sighs. "Dan, you're self-destructive sometimes. You can't tell me you don't know that about yourself. You self sabotage or you get too in your own head and convince yourself you have to hurt people. And I think it hurts you too, but I wouldn’t know, because that’s not the conversation you ever want to have with me. Or anyone. You just keep it all in your own head and everyone has to guess what’s going on. It’s scary sometimes, how far you can retreat." 

He hates how those words feel, how they curdle in his stomach and sit with a heaviness. She's right, but she's also wrong. "So maybe I found someone who makes me want to not be like that. Maybe you can give me the benefit of the doubt and be supportive. I think I love him, Bry." 

That throws her. "Fuck. And you didn't even tell me?"

"It just..." He sighs. "It felt weird in the beginning. I needed to get used to it in my own head." 

"So you lied to me instead,” she says.

"So I kept it to myself until I was ready.” He bristles. “I get to do that, you know.” 

He can see the hurt on her face, but he doesn’t back down. 

“Fine,” she says, crossing her arms. 

Eventually the stalemate they’re at gets to him. “I was going to tell you. And you threw that thing with your cousin in my face." 

It's probably true. He wouldn't have kept it a secret for that long if not fueled by anger. She really is his best friend, and Phil's not someone he's going to keep a secret. 

"So I'm a judgemental bitch who pushes too hard, and you're a closed off compartmentalizing headcase who doesn't know how to communicate," she says, staring at him.

He shrugs. "Are we even then?"

"I guess we're even." She sighs. “And I’m sorry. For not… giving you the benefit of the doubt.” 

Maybe eventually he’ll be ready to admit she might have had a reason to be concerned. “I’m not gonna hurt him.” 

“Yeah,” she says, nodding slowly. “Alright. I believe you. And - I’m sorry, alright? For the stuff about my cousin, and… all the rest.” 

He sighs and holds his arms out. Neither of them are very affectionate people, but the hug is nice. He also takes advantage of the moment to whisper, “Your cousin is a racist asshole.” 

“Fuck.” She sighs. “Why can’t just one of them be normal?” 

Dan laughs. “Families.” 

“Yeah.” She pushes back, making a face. “Families.” 

“So.” Dan shoves his hands into his pockets. “We’re okay?”

“We’re okay,” she says. "You know Phil's too sane for both of us right?" 

Dan laughs. He won't argue that one.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Sarah for being basically the best beta reader and hand holder to exist, and Rizzo for some much appreciating consulting!
> 
> [read and reblog on tumblr here](http://alittledizzy.tumblr.com/post/183203511710/best-kept-secret-rating-m-word-count-83k).


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